Question:  What do you do when your child is 9 and how can you go back and correct the mistakes that are made?

Answer:  It’s never to late!  We must never feel that we have lost the battle.  When you confess defeat, you have given your child the right to assume the position of parent.  They will then become the authoritative head who will tell you what they are doing, and what you have to do to meet their needs.

When speaking to an older child that has already exhibited aggressive behavior, it’s okay to say things such as ‘it is not okay or acceptable for you to speak to me like this, so please don’t do it again,‘ or ‘that behavior is not acceptable anymore and should you choose to continue to act like that, you will suffer the consequences, and trust me, you will not like them.’ 

One thing is, please do not make idol threats.  That is what has gotten us in the mess we are in.  After so many threats, they learn that you are just bluffing and they will definitely blow you off.

Question:  I have a 2 year old who screams at me when she wants something.  I have tried everything, but she won’t stop, even if I tell her to stop and put her in time out. What should I do?

Answer:  Start screaming back.  If she is whining, start whining back at her.  It will throw her off and hopefully she will see how silly it looks.  Then tell her that you cannot understand her when she acts like that.  Please tell me what you want in a nice voice or tone and I will give you what you are asking for. 

If she keeps doing it, I recommend you keep doing it until she gets tired of you mocking her bad behavior.  Definitely don’t give up and keep explaining to her that you cannot give her what she wants because of her screaming and it is too hard to understand.

Question:  My 14 year old son has absolutely nothing to do with me.  It hurts my feelings so much because we use to be so close.  What can I do?

Answer:  I understand completely, believe me!  It’s like all of a sudden you have grown horns and have green slime coming out of your mouth.  But don’t give up, just learn to speak to him in a different way.  Only answer the question and try not to go a step further until he sees you are really not interested.  That should make him take a look and realize something is definitely different about you. 

When you are getting ready to go do something and you really want him to go, yell out, 'okay, I’m leaving, talk to you later.'  If he comes out and asks you where you are going, tell him wherever you are going and wait to see if he wants to come.  (Make sure it is somewhere he really wants to go).  If he doesn’t respond, it’s up to you to decide if you go to him and see if he wants to join you for a fun afternoon.  Hopefully he will.

Question:  My 12 year old daughter thinks I am the weirdest person ever.  Last year we were really close.  I can’t handle it and am not sure what I should do.

Answer: Yes, that’s about the age where they start thinking we are ridiculous. When she acts disrespectful, please feel free to stare at her and walk away.  I tell you the less we say, at times, the better off we are.  If we don’t give them ammunition, they can’t go off on us.  Learn to find a happy medium. Find a common bond.  I am not saying take her shopping all the time, but maybe once in a while run to a store and then afterwards grab lunch. 

This is a great opportunity to get to ask a few questions, not to many, and hopefully she will feel free to speak openly about what is going on.  If she should share something shocking, DON’T act like you are stunned by what she just said.  She will not tell you anything ever again, because you ‘over react to everything.’

Talking to our young children is one of the hardest things ever, but, if we don’t bombard them with the drilling of a thousand questions, and we tread lightly, we are more likely to get some answers.